Lesley Humphrey Writings

 

June 2009 BATTLE WORN by Lesley Humphrey

We had a wonderful summer planned:  House boating in Hot Springs in June, a cruise to Mexico next week, Hawaii in August… Then my mother had a terrible accident on the boat and sustained a compound fracture.  In an instant, life changed, as life does.  We have her home, she’s mending well and I am now a 24-hour nurse.  I am learning a lot, not just about nursing but about love, pain, suffering, healing and managing one’s own fears…

I had to do a painting for our local 6 Figures Show hosted by the Pearl Fincher Museum of Fine Arts.  I had to paint my situation, and the result is above… The following is a journal entry from 5 days ago…  

 

The fear demons are banging at my door,

Lest I have but one moment of peace and surety,

If calm and serenity soothes my heart for a fleeting moment

They draw their clawen fngers down the pane

Drawing light down in to their cold abyss,

As if weighted by the gravity of doom.

The wound ripples over the leg like ancient scarred earth,

Jagged edges, like earthquake’s renting

In its wake, a rented lament for smoother times,

Forever now a reminder of tragedy,

Locked into sinews and never forgot

How then, does the healer lead the battle against disease?

A heart so worn with doom and dire?

How does the winder of the wraps

Lend rays of light to heal a body, mind and soul?

Am I able, am I enough?

Responsibility! Thy yoke is heavy

and my shoulders tremble from its press

Please, please let up just enough,

That I can lift up my head, and see the road ahead,

And know at least where to place my feet,

That I do not stumble, but find my heart

Adequate to this task; this load I’d love to pull

If only I had hands to guide me.

I am blind, I am blinkered, yet pull I must

I pray my burden stays aloft, before my journey’s done.

_____________

See, if you do this sort of thing, you feel better afterward without having your own emotions run roughshod over those you love.  Anyway, it works for me.  Recommend Julia Cameron’s "Artist Way" and "Finding Water" for learning how to dig in, write, and paint.  

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 9:23 am and is filed under The Artful Life Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.