June 2009 BATTLE WORN by Lesley Humphrey
We had a wonderful summer planned: House boating in Hot Springs in June, a cruise to Mexico next week, Hawaii in August... Then my mother had a terrible accident on the boat and sustained a compound fracture. In an instant, life changed, as life does. We have her home, she's mending well and I am now a 24-hour nurse. I am learning a lot, not just about nursing but about love, pain, suffering, healing and managing one's own fears...
I had to do a painting for our local 6 Figures Show hosted by the Pearl Fincher Museum of Fine Arts. I had to paint my situation, and the result is above... The following is a journal entry from 5 days ago...
The fear demons are banging at my door, Lest I have but one moment of peace and surety, If calm and serenity soothes my heart for a fleeting moment They draw their clawen fngers down the pane Drawing light down in to their cold abyss, As if weighted by the gravity of doom. The wound ripples over the leg like ancient scarred earth, Jagged edges, like earthquake's renting In its wake, a rented lament for smoother times, Forever now a reminder of tragedy, Locked into sinews and never forgot How then, does the healer lead the battle against disease? A heart so worn with doom and dire? How does the winder of the wraps Lend rays of light to heal a body, mind and soul? Am I able, am I enough? Responsibility! Thy yoke is heavy and my shoulders tremble from its press Please, please let up just enough, That I can lift up my head, and see the road ahead, And know at least where to place my feet, That I do not stumble, but find my heart Adequate to this task; this load I'd love to pull If only I had hands to guide me. I am blind, I am blinkered, yet pull I must I pray my burden stays aloft, before my journey's done.
See, if you do this sort of thing, you feel better afterward without having your own emotions run roughshod over those you love. Anyway, it works for me. Recommend Julia Cameron's "Artist Way" and "Finding Water" for learning how to dig in, write, and paint.